By Sharon from Good, True, and Beautiful
I’m not sure if you’ve heard it on the news, but there is a strange new malady sweeping across the nation…
The B1G1 Virus (or as the media has begun to refer to it, CiViSitis) has now reached epidemic proportions and the Department of Financial Security plans a press conference at noon today to address people’s growing concerns.
There is documented evidence of unusual behavior in all 50 states, with thousands of people reporting episodes of increased heart rate, sleeplessness and hyperactivity. The outbreak seems to be highly contagious, and is infecting people regardless of age, race, or demographics. A significant incidence of infection has been noted within the “stay at home mom” community, however, no causal relationship has been determined.
Fortunately, the Center for Disease Control is working around the clock to identify the source of the problem, but until a precise diagnosis can be made, please be on the lookout for the five most common symptoms:
- You and your spouse no longer fight over the toothpaste since you have 12 tubes to choose from.
- Your palms start to sweat when you see someone in the drugstore with a notebook and calculator.
- Your son is constructing his play forts with surplus boxes of Kotex, Crest Pro-Health, Sally Hansen nail polish, and Bayer Diabetes Monitors.
- You dream about rolling your ECB’s, multiple scenarios and finding deals on clearance.
- Your heart starts pounding when you see the sentence “Buy $10, earn $5 ECB; psa $2.99, use $2.00 3/19 RP, and B1G1 IE or Firefox (ymmv), free after ECB, MM after MIR!”
If you are recognize these symptoms in yourself, please do not panic. It is important that individuals infected with CiViSitis (B1G1 Virus) realize that the euphoria of saving tons of money will resolve over time. And while life might never return to normal, you can be confident that you will never have to pay for toothpaste again.